Friday, April 30, 2010

...the show must go on.

Final dress for Sanity 2 last night.  What a traffic problem.  But it's being fixed by smart, capable people.  It's just the nature of the evening.  Eight one-acts, one after another, is bound to create a bit of scene-changing chaos.  I'm not too concerned.  It's a very casual evening of theatre.  The audience realizes this.  The point of the night is to showcase some writing and acting.  That's the gist of the whole thing.  So towards that end, I think it will be successful in the final analysis.

Still some line work to be done today by yours truly.  Pacing, shouting out loud, mumbling curses when I can't find the line in my memory.  The usual.

The good news is my director for Praying Small and one of the acting artistic directors for the company, Victor Warren, brought me an amazing suit to wear in the plays.  It fits like a glove and it's sort of 1940's looking.  I feel like Edward G. Robinson when I put it on.  "Where's your Moses now, see?"

I have, throughout my career, had some wonderful costumes to wear.  Had a great one in both 1776 productions that I did.  In fact, you can see the one I wore for Richard Henry Lee to the right of this page.  Every single time I did Lost in Yonkers (five to date) I had a suit BUILT exclusively for me.  In hindsight I wish I had purchased one of them at the end of one of the respective runs.

I remember doing Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls some years back.  Had on an all black suit with a shining white tie.  Opening night I'm backstage having a cigarette and dropped ashes on it (I was supposed to be wearing my "smoking frock" but I wasn't).  Tried to rub the ashes off.  Ended up with a huge black spot on the tie.  Costumer saw me before curtain and turned a shade of red I didn't think possible in a human being.

The first 1776 I did was with Jim Barbour as Jefferson in Virginia's Mill Mountain Theatre.  I had to wear tights.  They didn't quite fit.  So I would struggle with them every night.  The upshot was that they would droop.  They sagged.  Jim said to me after one performance, "You are the most talented scene-stealer I've ever met.  But I didn't think even YOU would stoop so low as to steal a scene by making your tights sag."  As God is my witness, it was entirely unintentional.

When I did Sunday in the Park with George at that same theatre they rented all the costumes from the Broadway production.  When I got my costume I was putting everything on for the costume parade and inside the socks was sewn a label that said M. Patinkin.  I was star struck.

Here's an odd one.  First time I did Arnold, the mentally handicapped character from the beautifully written Boys Next Door, was at The Wayside Theatre outside of D.C.  I was wearing Keds Tennis Shoes.  I thought it might be a nice touch to label them.  Something I thought the character might do.  So I wrote, in magic marker, on the toes of the sneakers, "Left" and "Right."  So, you know, Arnold would never be confused.  Two years later I did the same role in a small Equity theatre in Florida.  Unbeknownst to me that theatre had done some sort of 'costume trade' with The Wayside.  So I get my costume for Arnold and what'd'ya know.  There are the Keds.  Written prominently on the toes?  "Left" and "Right."

The very first play I was ever in was MacBeth at the local college in the town where I grew up. I played MacDuff's son.  One small scene in which MacBeth's murderous henchmen stab me and my mother, Lady MacDuff.  The tech people decided to put a blood packet on my back so that when I'm stabbed I turn, back to the audience, and they can see the blood stain all over my back.  That was how it was ostensibly supposed to work.  Opening night I got the biggest laugh of the play (although to be fair, MacBeth doesn't have a LOT of laughs).  The murderer grabs me, turns me upstage and stabs.  The packet on my back burst with a loud POP (I think they used a balloon half-full with water).  And then a cup of water fell between my legs.  It literally looked like my water had burst.  Big laugh.  I was mortified.  It's a wonder I even continued in the theatre.

My buddy Jay Willick, a very fine actor himself, and I were talking last night about how sometimes the costume can completely find the character for you.  It's true.  I recall Brando's dismissive quote about acting once, "I haven't acted in years.  I just put the costume on and let it act for me."  There have been many times when I couldn't find the character completely until I put the costume on.  Especially the shoes.  Once I get the shoes on and find the walk, sometimes the rest just follows quite naturally.

I'll end with the famous Streisand audition story, which may or may not be apocryphal.  A director recalls her coming to his audition before she was a star.  The stage manager calls her name.  "Barbra Streisand?  You're next!"  A few seconds pass.  Finally she stumbles onstage for the audition wearing high heels with one heel off.  She's lurching to the stage and talking all at the same time, "I'm so sorry, I just got my heel caught in a grate.  Was stuck for ten minutes trying to pull my foot out.  People were lined up tugging me.  It was a mess.  I kept telling them to pull harder.  A whole line of people I don't know, lined up on the sidewalk, pulling me and my foot out of this grate.  Finally it popped out, my foot, I mean, but the heel was still stuck in the grate.  Anyway, I'm here.  I'm ready to sing for you.  Just try to ignore the shoes."  And she lurched up on stage and sang.  Unbelievably well, of course.

A month or so later, this director is talking to another director and told him this story.  The other director looked at him in disbelief.  He said, "She did the same thing at my audition."  Pretty smart cookie, that Streisand.

See you tomorrow.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

A Short One...

A full tech/run last night with the one-acts at NoHo ACE.  Unfortunately I was trapped backstage most of the night and didn't get a chance to see any of the ones I'm not in.  But judging from the dressing room speakers they sounded fun.  Full dress tonight.  My day is about working the lines in the two I'm doing.  One is pretty much down and the other is close.  And, joy of joys, as soon as these are memorized I start learning Praying Small (although I may take the weekend off).

My buddy James Barbour and I have decided to work together in a four-week-long teaching workshop under the auspices of Naked Face Los Angeles, my professional acting studio.  I'll teach monologue, audition and scene study and he'll do musical theatre.  Jim, of course, has a much bigger and more recognizable name than I do in the theatre community so I think that alone will attract students.  We're meeting soon to work out a syllabus and a business plan.  At the end of the workshop we hope to have some casting directors (Angela has given us the guidelines from CSA - casting society of America), film and stage directors, producers and possibly some working composers and lyricists, watch the participant's final product.

On the health front, "the silent killer" is being silenced by the new meds.  And I couldn't be happier.  For the first time in months I'm beginning to feel normal again.

More on the Naked Face workshop as it unravels.  More on the one-acts as they continue thru the run of the show.

Another beautiful day in Southern California.  I might even take a shower today.

See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On Dress Rehearsals and Tech Nights...

Another tech last night for Sanity 2.  Eight different short plays. Oy.  Lots of tech and lots of quick scene changes.  I must say I'm really impressed with Karesa's good-natured attitude as she guides some of the feckless actors (ME!) through the process.  I've known directors to go a tad crazy during tech week.  With all the chaos at a fever pitch last night I only heard one "Quiet in the house!" bellowed.

Got the full rehearsal schedule for Praying Small yesterday, too.  My mind is eased a bit knowing we have an attack plan.

When tech stuff goes wrong in a performance, odd things happen to actors.  Usually it falls into one of two camps:  those who go with it and adlib their way out or those that panic and freeze.  One of the most famous stories about tech gone wrong is the off cue phone call with Olivier.  He was doing a Noel Coward play in the West End.  Onstage with a young actor.  Phone rings off cue.  The phone is not supposed to ring for another two pages.  Both actors stop and stare at the phone.  Finally Olivier walks over and answers it.  "Hello?  Um, yes.  Yes.  I see.  Uh-huh.  Yes.  Why, of course, he's right here.  (turns to young actor)  It's for you."

I once did the play Wait Until Dark in Florida some years back.  I was doing the sociopathic killer, Roat, in that play.  In the climactic scene where the blind girl stabs Roat with a kitchen knife, I stalk her.  Cat and mouse.  Roat knows she can't see him and is toying with her.  Suddenly she reaches into a drawer and pulls out a long knife and goes for him.  That's the way it's supposed to work.  Dress rehearsal.  She makes a dash for the drawer.  Fumbles around in it forever.  I could have killed her ten times over in the time she spent searching for the knife amidst the silverware in that drawer.  Goes on and on.  Dead air.  I'm just standing there watching her.  She's staring off glassy-eyed in the distance, acting "blind."  More time.  She pulls a spoon, discards it.  Then a fork.  Then a ladle.  Then a spatula.  Finally, from the house we hear a booming voice from the director.  "YOU'RE NOT REALLY BLIND!"  She looks in the drawer and gets the knife.

The first time I did A Few Good Men was at Mill Mountain in Roanoke, VA.  After an eight week run there we transferred the whole thing to Wayside Theatre up the road in Middletown. Wayside, a smaller theatre, didn't have the resources Mill Mountain had and thus some adjustments were made.  Huge blacks (curtains, for the uninitiated) were hung to frame the stage.  During the climactic courtroom scenes in the second act, one had to negotiate through a series of hung teasers (small, thin curtains hanging down) to get onstage.  It was like a maze.  Kind of like walking through a funhouse in pitch black darkness.  Dress Rehearsal.  Full costume, which means we're all in our military dress uniforms.  As each character's name is called to testify, there would be a flurry of curtain punching and under-the -breath cursing as the actors tried to get onstage.  Finally, one by one, the actors would find the entrance and emerge, hair mussed, wild-eyed, staggering slightly, realize where they were, smooth their hair and walk sternly and seriously to the witness chair.  Would have been funny if it happened once.  It happened to every single actor.  The actors onstage were a mess.  Church giggling.  You know.  When you try not to laugh in church and that makes it all the funnier.  Finally my turn.  I get lost in the curtains just like everyone else.  I finally make it out.  I've dropped my hat.  I come out facing the wrong direction.  I trip on the last teaser and fall to one knee.  Everyone to that point has just gone on with the play as though nothing happened.  I look up and see the whole cast staring at me (about twenty men on stage).  "Broken Arrow!" I scream.  Cast loses it.  Director not happy.

Another time I was doing Sondheim's Company in Connecticut.  I was working with an actor that would talk and yammer and chit-chat endlessly right off stage before making his entrance.  Each night he would completely forget to listen for his cue and I would have to interrupt him and say, "it's your entrance."  Dress rehearsal.  We're standing off stage.  He's saying, "...and then I asked them if I could get a discount on the shoes because they were just simply too tight.  I called the manufacturers, I called everybody.  They wouldn't let me exchange them.  I wrote them a letter saying..."  It was about ten minutes before he was supposed to enter.  I stopped him and said, "It's your entrance."  He charged on stage and started talking.  Hehehehe.

Hundreds of other memories about tech nights and dress rehearsals.  Every actor has them.  I suspect we'll have some confusion with this one, too.

And on another note.  The new medication for "the silent killer" is working.  I feel like a new man, or at the very least, a slightly used one.  BP down, more energy, better outlook on everything.  The foot is still numb making me walk a little like the kid in Jurassic Park when he gets blown off the fence, but I'll learn to compensate eventually I'm sure.  Angie is devouring online recipes for diabetes victims.  She did, however, say something last night that alarmed me.  She said, "you just have to get used to thinking of food as fuel rather than an event."  Well, I don't think I can ever do that.  A good meal, prepared with care, presented with aesthetic forethought, each dish and course complimenting the other, color coordinated...well this is the mark of a civilized people as far as I'm concerned.  For me, regardless of my diet, food will never be "fuel."  We'll just have to figure this one out.

The puppies are frolicking.  The next door neighbor's rooster is punching his time clock.  The sun is up and benign.  And I'm getting married someday this year, if the rumors are true.  Things are okay.

See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sanity 2...

Yesterday the members of NoHo Ace (North Hollywood Arts Center Ensemble) gathered at the theatre for a dry tech run-through of Sanity 2, an evening of one-acts running from April 30 to May 30.  The idea is this:  a year or so ago, before my time with them, the theatre ran a weekly night of one-acts written, memorized and performed all within 24 hours.  The themes were given and, voila, 24 hours later a play.  Apparently it was a pretty big success for the company.

Now the best of these hastily written plays have been tuned up, re-visited and rehearsed in earnest.  The playwrights have done some re-writing, tightened everything up and given the short plays some real attention.  Directors were brought in and real rehearsal time was assigned.

My friend, James Mellon, asked me to do a couple and I gladly complied.  In fact, the two I'm in are pretty good pieces.  The first, one James wrote himself, is a bit more dramatic than one might expect.  It's a piece about what would happen if the President's daughter publicly announced she was a lesbian.  (This kinda already happened with Dick Cheney's daughter, actually.)  I like it because I get a chance to take some shots at George W. and his abounding ignorance mixed with his Machiavellian smugness.

The second is an all-out piece of silliness in the vein of Waiting for Guffman.  A small, midwestern dinner theatre hires a Broadway director to do a play.  Turns out the play, called Annie and Oliver, is a phycho-sexual, scatalogical piece not fit for small town ears.  The producers of the theatre beg him to do something else like Barefoot in the Park ("A little edgy but with a few cuts here and there...LAUGHS!")  This is the one I'm doing with my Harry Morgan impression - sort of barking all the lines.  Having fun with that one, don't know if it will be funny, but I'm amusing myself at least.

But the thing is, everyone gathered at the theatre yesterday and did everything...move the scenery, adjust the lights, bring a costume, set the travel patterns onstage, just everything.  It was like going back in time to high school theatre when absolutely everything about doing a play was overwhelmingly fun.  There are eight plays on the billet so there is a lot of moving of furniture going on.  I don't mind in the least, although these days I sort of stagger around a bit like the creature of the black lagoon because of my "silent killer" distractions, but that's another story.

One of the many things I like about NoHo Ace is the total disregard of ego everyone brings to the action.  The entire mind-set is one of, "we really don't care who you are or what you've done, just move that sofa."  I like that.  We're very Marxist, in that sense.

Besides, as most of my readers know, I'm about to embark on the lead role of Sam in Praying Small and it's a doozy.   A huge role.  So I'm looking at the one-acts as my warm-up fight.  Kind of like when Ali came back after his exile and fought Quarry and Bonevena before taking on Frazier.

There's still a ton of work to be done on Sanity 2, but it's getting there under the inexhaustible leadership of Karesa McElheney, one of the acting artistic directors.  I suspect it's going to be a pretty good night of theatre, overall.  I haven't seen the other one-acts yet, but the two I'm in are not bad at all.  I honestly don't think I've acted in a one-act since college.

On another note, the diabetes check-up yesterday was a total disaster.  Blood work came back: glucose readings up, cholesterol readings up, BP up, right foot numb, eye sight worse, a host of other annoying things. As I told Angie, this whole thing is getting ridiculous.  It's effecting my quality of life.  I am on a very strict diet now, exercising, being careful about a bunch of things.  I always wondered when age and lifestyle choices would catch up to me...I guess I don't have to wonder anymore.

Our neighbors have a rooster.  He's doing his thing right now.  The sun is coming up.  It's a nice day.  And all things considered, it could be a hell of a lot worse.

See you tomorrow.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Random Sunday Morning Thoughts...

It's all about gratitude.  Being grateful.  Realizing one's plight is so much easier than it could be under different circumstances.  It's Sunday morning and a lot of people are getting ready for their respective churches.  A mystery to me.  I've never understood the idea of "worship."

Now, don't worry, I'm not about to go on an anti-religion rant/blog here.  The truth of the matter is a part of me envies the stalwart church-goer.  Some of my best and smartest friends are tidying themselves up right now to do just that.  I'm all for it.

In fact, for a long while in NYC I attended Catholic services on a fairly regular basis.  Not because I for a moment believed in Catholicism but because I liked the pomp and circumstance they embrace in their worship services.  Lots of robes and tradition and timing and candles and greek-chorus-like chanting.  Plus I had a good buddy, a priest, doing the homily.

I would travel over to Brooklyn for his services.  Once, I remember, we had a private lunch afterwards, just the two of us.  After a bit, I asked him, "Tell me something.  Do you really believe in all that gobbledygook you talk about up there?"  He paused for a long time and then finally said, "Yes.  I do."

We were close friends so I could get away with asking a priest that.  Plus, he was a frustrated actor so his services were sometimes very dramatic and filled with costume changes and good lighting design.

My favorite was a little white chapel on the beach down on Sanibel Island.  Used to go to that one on occasion when I was working down there.  If nothing else it was certainly beautiful.  If I got bored with the service I could just look around and admire the natural beauty all around me.  The little white chapel wasn't Catholic, though.  I think it was Methodist, but I can't remember.  After attending a few times I started telling people I was a Methodist actor.

In my late thirties, I began intensive solo study of the bible.  I wanted to get to the core of all this stuff that others took so seriously.  Of course, it disappointed me.  The bible is built to disappoint.  No rancor intended, it just is.  If one is incapable of making the paranormal, supernatural leap, it just becomes a silly, arcane book.  Alas, that is what it is to me.

But I do want to recount one service I witnessed in the little white chapel on the beach.  For others, I suppose, it was a service steeped in mystery, in divine knowledge, in the providential words of Jesus.  For me, however, it was just good common sense and an example of the good things religion can supply.

The Pastor, I don't remember his name, had a large easel set up with a blank sheet of paper displayed.  When we entered the chapel everyone was given another blank sheet of paper.  As he started the sermon he said he wanted everyone to draw, to the best of their ability, a picture of someone we really hated, someone that was making our lives miserable, perhaps a boss or a relative or a neighbor, whatever.  He said, let's get our aggression out today.  Let's not go through the rest of the week being angry at somebody.   Life is too short, he said.

So we all drew pictures of this someone that was bothering us.  He collected them all up and put them on the easel and then one by one we all approached the easel and threw darts at the pictures we had drawn.  It was fun and there was lots of laughing.  We finished, still lots of giggling and murmuring, and he began to peel away the pictures we had drawn, dozens of them, one after another, there were holes in all the faces.  "Feel better?" he kept asking.  We did.  We all did feel better.  And then he stripped away the last hastily drawn face and underneath them all had been a picture of Jesus.  The face of Jesus had hundreds of holes in it where we had thrown the darts.  He said, "What you do to the least of my children, you do to me."

I liked that message.

There is a wonderful book called A Month of Sundays, by John Updike.  It's about a preacher who loses his faith, has affairs; a man who deep down doesn't really believe in what he preaches.  At the climax of the novel, the preacher says, "It was just a band of roving nomads. A group of ignorant sand dwellers who somehow stumbled upon the idea of One God.  They didn't mean for it to get bent all out of shape like it did.  Judeo-Christianity is a mistake, don't you see? It was meant for one lifetime, not thousands of lifetimes.  It's word of mouth gone amuck!   It was just something to make a hard life in the desert a little easier."

Ninety seven percent of the senior staff with NASA are unabashed atheists.

Almost all of the founding fathers embraced Classical Deism.

On the other hand, Einstein believed unreservedly in the existence of God.  He said, "Just too much was left to chance.  Not possible."

As I've mentioned before, my own religious beliefs were sorely tested when I worked as a drug and alcohol counselor for The Salvation Army (see my blog "The Banality of Evil").  It was a jarring lesson in the complications of melding religion with capitalism.  It sickened me and still does.  But I often think back to that little chapel on the beach and remind myself that not all religion is bad.  Sometimes it is noble and kind.  Sometimes, I suspect in its most righteous form, it is a wonderful teaching tool.  A reminder to its followers to try and do the next right thing.  In essence, to be good, to be "Christ like."

In one of my favorite novels, Franny and Zooey, J.D. Salinger says, "Don't you see, Franny?  Don't you see?  The Fat Lady IS Jesus Christ!"  He's talking about the fat lady in the audience.  The fat lady who has paid her money to be told a story.  To be entertained and enlightened.  Salinger is saying Jesus Christ is the very NOTION of helping someone.  That He is the embodiment of reaching out to someone else.

I like that, too.

The closest I've ever been able to come to actual worship is the idea of gratitude.  Some call it karma, some call it fate and some call it original sin.  Regardless, it's very difficult to be pious and cynical about the idea of worship if one is filled with gratitude.  My life with Angie and the puppies is sublime on occasion.  I have so much to be thankful for.  I have spent decades fantasizing about the life I lead at this very moment.  And now, against all reason and formula, I am leading it.  And I often ask myself, "Did I do ANYTHING to deserve this?"  The answer, much to my chagrin, is no, I didn't.  Some grace, some incomprehensible and inexplicable spiritual pattern is no doubt responsible.  And I remind myself daily to be grateful.

And Jesus, in whatever costume He wears, In whatever skewered form of divinity He inhabits, is probably pleased with my daily choice to be grateful.

I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Have been for quite some time.  In that expensive and altruistic club there is a saying.  It goes like this:  I know two things.  There is a God and I'm not Him.

See you tomorrow.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Move on...

I chatted a bit yesterday with my friend James Barbour.  A couple of blogs ago I talked about going to see him in Nightmare Alley, the new musical that opened at The Geffen on Wednesday.  Jim plays the lead character of Stan Carlyle.  I talked about Jim being especially good in it but the play itself, I felt, needed a little tune-up.  Since that blog several reviews have come out saying exactly the same thing (the L.A. Times review was eerily similar, in fact).  For some reason Jim was a little depressed over the notices, which I found surprising.  He's a pro and like us all he's been through the wringer with the press before.  I certainly have and I know Jim has.  When he did Jane Eyre on Broadway I know he took some nasty hits from the press on that one.  The thing is, in this case the notices have all been spectacular for Jim himself.  They just have a problem with the show.

Anyway, it all got me thinking about the critics.  I blogged about this once before a month or so ago.  But it's a big part of the actor's life, eventually, so I thought I'd write a little more on it.  Some actors never reconcile the role of the critic in their professional lives.  In an email yesterday to me, Jim nailed this specific feeling.  He said, in effect, "we work so hard on a project, fill it with such passion, and with the swipe of a pen it's all undone."  And of course he's right.  I emailed him back and told him it was even worse when the play happened to be something you've written.

Here is an excerpt from a review of one of my plays called The Language of Cherubs from a newspaper in Chicago called The Windy City Times.


It's the last and longest piece that sticks in my mind as one of the vilest pieces of theater I've ever seen. The Language of Cherubs is anything but. The Language of the Despicable and Weak is more like it. Essentially the monologue of a dying southern woman (played with one-note weepiness by Jan Ellen Graves), the piece is an overview of her life with her husband. At first, their life together seems pedestrian, the stuff of thousands of American couples. But as the woman rambles on, we discover a dark underbelly. Her husband was a pedophile, preying on the high school girls he taught and exploiting his position of authority to take advantage of them. In one of the most chilling moments, the woman begins reciting the names of the girls ... and the list runs on into the dozens. But as she crawls back into her bed to sink under the oblivion of painkillers, with her Pat Boone look-alike husband at her side, she tells him that, in spite of all this, she really 'loves' him. What? It's hard to muster up any sympathy for this pair: a sexual predator and the woman who unquestioningly stands by her man, in spite of the rather strained efforts of the playwright to jerk tears from the audience (along with banal musical touches of recorded new-age piano music from Jim Brickman).


I told the Artistic Director of the theater producing this play they should put that quote on the marquis:  "One of the vilest pieces of theater I've ever seen!"  I joked about it for awhile with the actors.  We all had a good time.  "Vilest piece of theatre."  That's a good one.  

The truth is, stuff like that takes the wind out of a writer's sails.  It's one thing to get a bad review as an actor (and trust me, I've gotten more than my share of those) but it's another to get one as a playwright.  As a writer one's intellect is on trial.  As an actor, merely one's choices.  And the funny thing is, this same critic, a few months earlier, had hailed my play Praying Small as "a modern masterpiece."

My teacher of note and mentor and friend, the brilliant actor Michael Moriarty, has a bit to say on this 'reading your notices' business.  He stopped reading his reviews back in the early eighties.  He told me, "if you believe the good ones, you have to believe the bad ones, too.  Best not to read any of them and keep trusting your instincts."  He also told me something I have oft quoted, "Critics are like eunuchs at an orgy.  The can watch, but they can't join in."  In fact, I told Jim that yesterday and got a laugh from him.  I hope he passed it on to the hard-working and talented cast of Nightmare Alley.

When I was doing Arnold in The Boys Next Door for the first time at Wayside Theatre in Virginia, I had a problem with doing such a dead-on impression of a mentally challenged man.  I felt a little seedy doing it.  I called Michael and told him this.  He said, "Does the play offer redemption?"  I said, yes.  He said, "Then don't give it another thought.  We can do anything as artists as long as what we're doing offers redemption."  I have kept that piece of advice in the forefront of my mind for many years now.

Michael also told me recently he thought the late Pauline Kael, the former esteemed film critic for The New Yorker, was largely responsible for his career taking a nose-dive in the late seventies.  Kael attacked Moriarty at every available opportunity.  In particular a film he made called Report to the Commission, in which he starred.  She lambasted it.  She attacked his mannerisms, his sensitivity as an actor, his choices, even his physical appearance.  Kael carried a lot of weight in the critic business back then.  She was the grand dame of critics.  Roger Ebert worshipped her.  New York's intellectual community lived and died by her opinion.  This is the same Pauline Kael who famously wrote upon seeing Last Tango in Paris, "Brando and Bertolucci have altered the face of an art form."  At that time Moriarty, Pacino, DeNiro, Voight and Hoffman were the up and comers.  Kael loved Pacino and DeNiro.  Hated the rest.  Michael says he went from A-lister to B-lister following her evisceration of him in that film.  He may be right.  She really did have that much influence back then.

I have twice written to a critic following what I felt was an especially unwarranted attack upon my work.  The first was at Arena Stage when I was doing McMurphy in a production of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  The critic, one Donald Ames, wrote, "Mr. Morts ably carries this sordid mess on his capable back."  He went on to say wonderful things about me and my performance but scathingly attacked the show itself and the other actors.  I don't remember all I said in the letter, but essentially it was the same thing that Jim said to me yesterday.  That is, how can you destroy all of this work and passion, thousands upon thousands of hours of it, with one careless and thoughtless swipe of your pen?

The other time was in Rochester, New York.  I was doing a show called Redwood Curtain and I was not only directing it but acting the role of Lyman Fellars, the mysterious Vietnam Vet living in the humid forests of Northern California.  The lead role in that show is the half-white, half-Vietnamese girl, Jeri.  It was being played by my then girlfriend, Eileen.  I thought she was really good in the role.  When the reviews came out, again my work was praised but they attacked her mercilessly.  I was incensed.  I sent off a scathing letter to the critic for the main Rochester paper, the Democrat/Times.  As it turned out I was invited to a charity event a short time later and came face to face with this critic.  Back in those days I was little more volatile and actually considered punching the guy in the face.  I was that angry.  But he came over to my table and asked if he could join me.  He was a very nice man which pissed me off even more.  After a few sparring words he said to me, "let me give you some advice.  You can't try and protect the actors around you that aren't as good as you are.  That's a losing battle.  You will never win that battle."  At the time I simply smirked at that comment.   Years later I think he may have been on to something.

Here's the bottom line for Jim.  He's in a play that's not as good as he is.  He can't protect it.

Sondheim wrote in Sunday in the Park with George when the lead character is depressed about his own critics, "You've got to move on.  Show us more.  Don't worry about what others are saying.  So what?  Let others make those decisions, they usually do.  You've got to move on."

On June 11 my play, Praying Small, makes its West Coast Premiere.  The play has garnished embarrassing accolades throughout the country.  It has been hailed as a masterpiece, been given awards, submitted for the Pulitzer, critics have reached deep into their bag of adjectives for this one.  And what if L.A. doesn't agree?  What if my director pushes it into a realm of absurdism that mangles the message of the play?  What if it's just too coarse?  What if the scatological language is too much?  What if my performance in it is pedestrian?  What if one of a million things go wrong?

Well, I'll tell you.  I move on.  I show more.  I write again.  I do something new.  I shake it off.  I plunge myself into another artistic orgy and let the eunuchs watch all over again.  I trust I have something to say.  Something others want to hear.  Something that offers redemption.  And after that, I do it again.  And again.  I move on.

See you tomorrow.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Happy Birthday, William Shakespeare.

I despise memorization.  The actor's life would be a perfect life if not for all of the memorization.  I'm reading a biography on Sir Anthony Hopkins right now and I was pleased to discover that he, too, had a great deal of trouble memorizing lines.  He hated it.  And, of course, Brando is legendary for not being able to memorize lines.

A couple of months ago I wrote and directed a piece called From the East to the West.  I remember we did our first read-thru at the theatre and then a couple of days later started blocking.  I was astonished when a couple of the young actors came in halfway off book already.  How the hell do they do that?

Olivier always espoused coming in to rehearsal off book.  And he did just that throughout most of his career apparently.  Even the big ones; Lear, Hamlet, Tyrone, Big Daddy, Othello.  I'm not sure if the layman can understand just how much damned work that is.  Nonetheless, I took my cue from Lord Larry and have done it many times.  I came in off book for Give 'Em Hell, Harry, which is a two and half hour one person show about Harry Truman.  Then again, I had nearly five months to prepare for that one.  Olivier's point, and it is certainly valid, is that the real work doesn't start until the books are gone.  Until the book is put aside the play still belongs to the playwright.  Once the book is gone, the actor takes possession of the play.

I once did a production of Lost in Yonkers (did that show five times) at Chicago's Forum Theatre.  I'd already done it twice, once at Arkansas Rep and once at The Asolo.  Unbeknownst to me, however, all of the other actors had done it elsewhere, too.  It was an all-star cast, Marji Bank, Paula Scrafano, a couple of others, and when the first table read-thru came along and the director yapped a bit about his "concept" of the play (fucking directors...don't get me started), we started the initial read-thru - common practice in the theatre.  But this time, all of us just sat there with our scripts closed in front of us and started the play.  Not one of us opened the book.  It was amazing.  An entire cast letter-perfect on day one.  And we still had three and half weeks to play.

Another time when I was doing The Chairman in The Mystery of Edwin Drood, I noticed a note from the playwright in the script.  Rupert Holmes had written, "At some point during the run The Chairman WILL go up on his lines.  We suggest a handsomely bound manuscript onstage at all times for just such an occasion."  It's a huge role with a bunch of fat monologues.  Sure enough, about three weeks into the run, I went up.  Thank God for that "handsomely bound manuscript."

I was once doing a supporting role in one of my own plays, Praying Small, in Chicago.  There is a quick scene involving the lead character, Sam, and a lesbian lawyer.  The woman originally playing the role had to step out for a weekend due to a family death.  So the director brought in this really pretty young actress to do the role for a few days.  The scene was blocked in such a way that the lesbian lawyer had only to sit there and say her lines.  This new actress was really casual and assured back in the dressing room.  We didn't even run through the quick scene beforehand because it was so easy.  So the scene arrives and the young actress steps to the chair in the segue and the lights come up.  The actor playing Sam turns to her and delivers the first line.  Nothing.  She just stares at him.  Scared to death.  He tries to cover, adlibs a bit, seeks a way to give her the line without actually saying it himself.  Nothing.  More terrified staring.  Finally he just moves to the end of the scene, sort of does a wrap-up of what happened in the scene and moves to the next one.  The young actress, who has not uttered a single word, confidently gets up and exits.  Backstage we all look at her horrified.  She sits and says, "Well, that could have gone better."  She was replaced the next night.

Years ago I was cast as Lt. Schrank in West Side Story.  Good little role.  I've always contended that if I were to go on another national tour, that would be the perfect role to do.  Rake in your 2200 bucks a week and hardly do anything.  Anyway, in that production the kid playing Riff was not really an actor.  He was a dancer.  And whenever he delivered his lines, when he was finished with his sentence, under his breath, barely audible, he would say, "Your turn."  Funniest damn thing I've ever seen.  He did this IN FRONT of an audience.  The first time he said it to me, I actually stopped for a second and said, "Excuse me?"  Unbelievably he repeated it, a little louder, "Your turn."  And remember, folks, this was a big-time, Equity show.  Oy.

My favorite is a story told me by a friend of mine named Mitch Kantor who was doing Richard III at Riverside Shakespeare in New York.  Mitch wasn't playing the hunchback, I forget what role he was doing, but anyway, as most actors know, the play starts with a very famous line from The Bard.  Richard enters at the curtain and says "Now is the winter of our discontent."  So, curtain up, out hobbles Richard, stares at the audience chillingly, and says, "Now is the summer...(pause).  I'll come in again."  And walks off stage.  Curtain drops.  A couple of seconds.  Curtain up.  Richard hobbles out again.  "Now is the WINTER of our discontent."

Since it's Shakespeare's birthday I'll recount another story told me by my buddy, Bob Koch, who was doing the famous Julius Caesar in the park with Martin Sheen, Al Pacino and Ed Begley Jr.  The director had a great idea of getting a ton of senators during the Caesar murder scene.  Just like the Romans did it, Jr. Senators and Sr. Senators.  So he went to the Equity lounge in mid-town where, back in those days, you could find a whole gaggle of old actors who date back to the vaudevillian age.  Ancient guys who would sit around all day in the lounge gossiping and drinking coffee and smoking and talking about "the good, old days."  They were really funny guys.  Telling stories about doing the "circuit" in the Catskills and whatnot.  I used to sit with them now and then and play gin rummy and listen to the stories.  Anyway, Joe Papp hired every one of them for the play.  They only had the one scene and no lines.  Most of them were in their eighties.  So the big death scene with Ed Begley comes along on opening night.  The senators close in on Caesar.  Deathly silence in the house.  Finally they fall on him, stabbing him repeatedly with daggers hidden in their robes.  Caesar goes down, blood packets have burst and he's covered in red.  They all start to step backwards, shocked by the audacity of what they've just done to the Emperor of Rome.  At that exact moment a phone starts to ring backstage.  Very loud.  Ring.  Ring.  Ring.  Goes on forever.  Everyone can hear it, audience and actors alike.  Finally, one of the eighty year old, ex-vaudevillian actors can't resist and says in a loud stage whisper, "What if it's for Caesar?"

Learning lines.  Ah, there's the rub.  I hate it.

See you tomorrow.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Nightmare Alley at The Geffen last night...

Last night Angie and I took in a new musical at The Geffen theatre in Westwood called Nightmare Alley with one of my closest friends in the lead, James Barbour.  It's a dark, cynical piece about a carnival worker who learns the game of conning an audience and eventually uses these skills to open his own church and scam his congregation out of their money.  On the way he falls in love, accidentally kills another man and finally becomes a hopeless alcoholic.  It's based on an old Tyrone Power film from the 1930s of the same name.  The script has a lot of possibilities, most realized, some not.

First, let me say I have never been to The Geffen before last night.  It very well may be the most beautiful 400 seat theatre I have ever seen.  The lobby and courtyard alone are eye popping.  The set and lighting design for the piece are really quite nice, managing to be both sparse and arresting at the same time.

The show, not surprisingly, reminded me of a couple of other shows written in the same style:  Carnival, Carousel, Chicago, even Edwin Drood.  Some of the music soars and some remains, purposely, dark and narrative.  I didn't leave the theatre humming any tunes but I'm fairly sure the composer didn't want me to, either.  That's the way it was with Sondheim's Bounce, which I watched at The Goodman some years back.  One gets the idea the music is complicated.  Although there is a very sweet ballad in the first act called I Surrender.

In any event, the play remains distant.  Not engaging, really.   And again, this is probably the whole point.  The emotional distance is not an accident, it's what the creators want.

Halfway through the second act I whispered to Angie, "I know what's wrong."  Jim's character, Stan Carlyle, takes a series of mighty emotional blows in the second act and eventually falls into the pits of despair and suffering.  The point being he is reaping his just rewards.  But no one really cares too much because the character has been an anti-hero the entire time. And that's what's wrong.

I told Jim afterwards that I thought the whole show could be turned around with the addition of a single monologue when the love interest is introduced.  A monologue showing Stan's vulnerable side, his tender side, and explaining why he is the way he is.  One can't really fall from grace unless one has grace to being with.

But that's all quibbling.  Jimmy Barbour is the single most powerful musical theatre actor I have ever had the pleasure to watch.  He is at the peak of his powers as a performer.  Vocally he is downright shocking at times.  There are three or four times during the evening he is called upon to really wail.  He wails.  I have never heard him in better voice.  In fact, I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone in better voice.

In addition to his remarkable prowess as a singer, Jim is a fine, fine actor in this style.  He is angry and sharp and plays this kind of writing with tremendous clarity.  Makes me really wish I had seen his Billy in Carousel on Broadway.

As I mentioned, the piece really has only one "traditional" musical theatre ballad in it called "I Surrender."  It is touching and heartbreaking.  And I'm just guessing here, but I think it's a two octave song.  Probably G to G.  Jim sings it as flawlessly as I can imagine.

I don't know if they'll do any reworking during the run.  It's a fairly tight show as it stands.  But I honestly believe the added monologue in the first act would make it soar.  We'd LIKE this guy.  And if not that, we'd at least understand where he's coming from.  Again, it wouldn't have to be much, just an added half-page monologue that humanizes the character.  Consequently when he reaches the end game, we empathize with him.  His fate in the end is quite horrifying.  It would be only more so if we really, really understood the guy.  His conversion back to "honest guy" is too little, too late.  And the advent of alcoholism in his life is foreshadowed with one or two lines from another character.  I think a running acknowledgment from Stan himself would help clarify that.  One doesn't become an abusive drinker overnight and it is usually hereditary anyway.  In other words, if we hear the train coming it is far more sinister when it finally runs over someone.

But that's the playwright in me talking.

The place was packed last night.  It's over near UCLA so it's quite a trek for Angie and I.  Angie is good friends with the Managing Director over there so we stood and talked with him for awhile.  Jim came out for the reception afterwards and posed for about a hundred pictures with people.  But he's like I am and I know that's a chore for him.  But he was really gracious about it and stood patiently as the flash bulbs snapped away.

Jim, incidentally, is my Best Man at our upcoming wedding.  We've been best friends since 1989 when he played Lancelot to my Arthur in Camelot.  We have been through a lot together, to say the least.

So Nightmare Alley, gentle readers.  I think it plays through most of May.  Eight shows a week at The Geffen.

And I think if Jim doesn't get an Ovation nomination for this, I'd be really surprised.  He dominates in a very fine cast of actors.  The eye finds him in whatever scene he's doing and is reluctant to turn elsewhere.

I was very, very proud of my friend last night.  And all over again I realized why he is a star.  He's a star because he happens to be very, very good at what he does.

See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Busy is as busy does...

Stopped into the theatre yesterday to watch a little bit of the rehearsal for Bachelor's Graveyard. Rob and Jon were doing the fifteen minute, two-person, opening scene about sex on a country road.  It's a funny scene, I think, albeit a bit R rated.  Actually, I was already at the theatre helping to paint the set on the mainstage for a whole evening of one-acts called Sanity 2.  It's an evening of eight short plays, none of them mine.  I'm acting in two of them.  A piece called Annie and Oliver and another called The Connection.  The former is flat out silliness and the latter a bit more serious.  Painting the set itself was a comedy of errors for me because they're using three subtle shades of purple on everything and being color blind, I can't see the difference.  I kept picking up the wrong color of paint and being stopped at the last second lest I ruin everything.  "No, Clif, that's the medium purple.  You want the darker purple."

For the one-acts, as usual, I'm basing my performance on an impression I have of someone else.  I like to work that way.  My impression, when filtered through me, becomes an entity in itself.  I'm not a very good mimic so my take on someone comes out as a completely separate thing.  In the first play, the silly one, I've decided to do the whole thing as Harry Morgan (MASH, Dragnet, etc.).  So I'm trying to capture Harry Morgan's distinctive cadence.

In the second I'm using George W. Bush and his Texas drawl and his remarkable ability to make anything that comes out of his mouth sound vaguely stupid.  "I decide things.  That's what I do.  I'm the decider."

The one-acts open a week from tomorrow and run five weeks.

Afterwards I met up with Angie and a friend of hers at a nice little restaurant around the corner called The Eclectic Cafe.  I was a bit grungy, paint all over me, but they let me in anyway.

But back to the Bachelor's Graveyard rehearsal.  What I've tried to do with this piece is make the audience somewhat of a voyeur and let them into an unedited session of conversation amongst five teenage boys.  It's almost a top secret place to be.  Teenagers are very inclusive about who is allowed into their world.  Adults certainly are not invited.  At least that's the way it was when I was eighteen.  There's nothing in this play that Normal Rockwell would see fit to paint.

Had a quick conversation with Jon after rehearsal.  He said, "It's tough to play eighteen again."  I said, "If you were actually eighteen you couldn't play it."  Fortunately all of these guys look young and can get away with playing eighteen.

Again, as I sat in the back watching the rehearsal, I was grinning.  This play makes me do that.  I hardly ever interrupt.  Karesa has the rehearsal.  She's on the exact right path.  Occasionally I'll say something about the text.  But mostly I just watch and let her take the actors where she's going in her own time.  She's got a sharp eye.

I'm teaching a class today and then memorizing lines for the one-acts.  Tonight Angie and I are going to the opening night of Nightmare Alley, a new musical at The Geffen headed by my good friend, James Barbour.  By the way, Jim will be my best man in my upcoming wedding.

There's a lot of work being done these days at NoHo Arts Center Ensemble.  Eight one-acts in rehearsal along with Bachelor's Graveyard rehearsals along with Praying Small rehearsals.  I've gotten pretty busy suddenly.  All of this plus my teaching and well, not a lot of time left over.  I like it that way.  An idle mind, after all, is the devil's workshop.

We're also adding a Writer's Workshop at NoHo.  I'll facilitate it.  Not sure what I can contribute exactly.  I don't have any tried and true way that I write.  I'm not very formulaic about my work.  And I sure as hell don't want to take in any textbook of any kind.  We'll see how that works out.

Got the coffee going.  Gonna be a cool, crisp day here in the valley.  Angie and the puppies are still comatose.  Silence in the house with the exception of my clanking keyboard.  My favorite time of the day.

See you tomorrow.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Watching Lonesome Dove...

We started watching Lonesome Dove last night.  Amazingly, Angie has never seen it.  I've read the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel it is based on three times, I think.  Larry McMurtry's best work as far as I'm concerned.  And that's a lot of work.  My buddy, Jeff Wood, turned me onto it.  It's one of those novels that I couldn't wait to start reading again whenever I put it down.

Call and Gus are great literary figures of the twentieth century.  Played in the mini-series by Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Duvall respectively.  In fact, I remember when it came out, late eighties, I was down in Morgantown, West Virginia, visiting my then girlfriend, Venice, and we got back to her place a bit late after having dinner out and we turned on the TV and started watching the show.  I knew nothing of the casting and I actually thought Jones was Kenny Rogers for a second.  I turned to Venice and said, "This is the best work I've ever seen Kenny Rogers do.  Who would have guessed?"

But the novel.  My God, what a great piece of writing.  It stands among my favorite contemporary novels; A Prayer for Owen Meany, Life of Pi, Shogun and Watership Down.  It is truly epic writing.

Books have always been my salvation.  Not movies, not TV, not even theatre, but books.  My mother is responsible for that.  When I was very young, maybe ten or eleven, my parents bought a liquor store in the midwest.  They struggled mightily to make it work.  The store was open twenty hours a day, six a.m until two a.m., every day but Sunday.  My dad would work twelve hours and my mom the other eight.  I would go along with her at night and when I got sleepy, simply lay down behind the counter.  To keep me from getting antsy she would often read to me.  And one night, I remember with remarkable clarity, she started reading The Good Earth by Pearl Buck.  I was captivated.  It is to that very moment I can trace my fascination with reading.  Later she read A Wrinkle in Time, Lord of the Rings, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and many others.  She taught me to transport myself.

Today when I hear people say "I'm not a reader," I am astonished.  How can anyone not read?  How do they get by?  Later, in high school, I discovered Hemingway and Faulkner and Thomas Wolfe.  I lived a double life.  The class clown, always in trouble, and the secret reader, always living someone else's beautifully drawn life.  Every weekend I was dragged, against my will, to The Lake of the Ozarks to spend time on our houseboat.  I, of course, wanted to be back home playing with my friends.  So I learned to take books with me and, much to the chagrin of my father, spent those weekends in another world.  Reading non-stop while everyone else swam and water-skied and frolicked.

Novels have taken me to moments so sublime in my life it would be impossible to describe here.  I am often asked by students what they should do.  How do I become a better actor every single day, they sometimes ask.  My answer is always to read.  Read everything, anything, I don't care, just read, transport yourself, live someone else's life, be someone else, read cereal boxes, sports articles, magazines, non-fiction, anything, just read.

A by-product of this has been an unusual grasp of trivia.  Angie is always asking me, "how do you KNOW that?"  And I always say, "I read."

I can re-live moments in novels that even today make me shudder with delight.  Gandalf meeting the balrog in Lord of the Rings, Gus dying in Lonesome Dove ("Quite a party, Woodrow, quite a party."), Zooey telling Franny the meaning of life ("Ah, Zooey, don't you realize the fat lady is Jesus Christ himself?"), Bigwig refusing to budge in the tunnel ("My chief told me to hold this tunnel."), Jake refusing to go to bed with his lover in For Whom the Bell Tolls ("Wouldn't it be pretty if it were true."), Owen Meany dying ("Oh, Lord, I shall keep asking you - Give him back!"), Pickett telling Lee in Killer Angels, "I have no division, sir."

What wonderful moments when those lines are read for the first time.

I was recently at the theatre, breaking for lunch between rehearsals, and saw a young man sitting at Starbucks with a copy of Look Homeward, Angel.  I said, "God, how I envy you."  Because I knew what a great journey he was about to take.  He smiled.  He got it.

More than any other form of creation I admire novelists the most.   I am in awe.  The great ones can paint a picture that lasts forever.  Yes, I'm told writing plays is the hardest kind of writing.  Well, not for me.  And it's interesting because it seems prose writers always want to write plays and playwrights always want to write novels.  But neither are very good at it.  It's kind of like Michael Jordan wanting to play baseball.  It's just not his gift.  Mailer wanted desperately to be a playwright.  Tennesee Williams wanted to be known for his poetry.  And on and on.  I think this is because they don't respect the gift they were given.  It came too easy.  For example, I know what I do well.  I know I can write dialogue especially well.  I know that.  But I'm always fascinated with other ways to express myself.  Singing, playing my sax, writing a short story.  I do all of this on occasion but the truth is I'm not very good at it.  It's hard for me. I have to struggle.  It's work.  Writing dialogue?  It's easy, it flows, it comes quick.

I don't "know" John Malkovich, but because of my Chicago background we've met a few times and hung out.  He once told me he takes very little joy in acting anymore.  What he really wants to do is design clothes.  Brando once said if it weren't for the money he would have stopped acting decades ago...what he really wanted to do was study ecology.  Johnny Depp says he'd rather be a rock star.  Acting bores him.  Mick Jagger says he always wanted to be an actor.  I completely understand all of that.  The original gift comes too easy.  People, artists especially, want to "work" at something.  Churchill wanted to be a great impressionist.  Truman wanted to be a farmer.  And Picasso wanted to sing sad, French ballads in cafes all day long.

And I want to be a novelist.  I want to write prose all day, sit quietly and alone and write great sentences and paragraphs, tell life-changing stories, invent people, paint joy and pain with words.  Problem is I'm not very good at it.  What I'm good at is writing plays.  I can "see" that, I can "hear" that, I can be inside that.  And, for better or worse, it's easy for me.

Eventually, of course, truly great artists realize it's not even about what they do.  It's about something even larger.  It's about loving your wife, or your children.  It's about being good to other people.  It's about enjoying life without suffering.  It's about living everyday to the fullest without causing anyone else pain or consternation.  It's about deflating the ego and finding a personal God that can bring solace.  It's about something so much larger than the pursuit of art.  With age small things get bigger and big things get smaller.

I'm about to get married later this year and I understand somewhere deep down that an era of self-obsession is about to end.  Time to think of someone else first now.  Time to make sure someone else is comfortable before I seek comfort for myself.  Some time back that thought would have seemed tedious and unnecessary to me.  Now, today, however, it gives me great pleasure.

When I'm on my deathbed, minutes, maybe moments left in this great adventure, I doubt I'll regret not writing one more play, I doubt I'll regret not acting one more role, I doubt I'll regret not being seen by one more audience.  No.  I'll regret not loving harder, not living easier, not caring more, not thinking of someone else's happiness first.  I'll regret not being a better human being.

See you tomorrow.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Purveyor of Plays...

Spent a few hours doing a photo shoot yesterday for the Praying Small poster which will be plastered all over L.A. soon.  It was an interesting two hours.  Chad and Devon were brought in to do it.  Both photo guys.  We worked on two shots.  Not sure which one they will use.  The first was me staring into the camera with a bottle of Maker's Mark ostensibly floating in the air beside me.  Interesting and visually arresting image.  Not sure what it has to do with the play, but the image is cool.  The other I liked more.  Or at least I think I do.  I'm not a photo guy so my opinion is fairly pedestrian.  But these guys really knew what they were doing.  Lots of technical camera talk.  The second shot was of me staring at a half-full glass of bourbon while seated on a bench in a nebulous black and white place.  That one had a little more realism and for that reason alone, I liked it.

We only shot pics for about two hours, maybe three, but I decided I had a little more respect for models when we were done.  It required a lot of concentration on my part.  Stillness and concentration.  I don't like posed shots but this was different.  When I had something going on in my head, the shot invariably came out better.  The camera never lies.

Took a quick lunch and then came back and started rehearsing a few scenes with Rob Arbogast, who's playing the ill-fated character of Roman in my play.  Rob's a really good actor and a director's dream.  Me, not so much.

Rob played the title role of Dracula last year at NoHo.  It was, apparently, the theatre hit of L.A.  Massive sets and beautiful lighting and fog and the whole nine yards.  Plus I'm told Rob flounced around naked a lot which I'm sure didn't hurt the box office.

The other large supporting male role in the play is Greg played by the seasoned, veteran actor Brad Blaisdell.  Brad has been around forever and has done a ton of film work.  He's one of those actors that you may not know his name but once you see him you say, "Oh, THAT guy."

I have a lot of fun when I work with these two actors.  Mostly because we slip seamlessly into our work.  There is no jarring moment when we start acting.  The energy is the same as when we just sit around and talk.  The difference being that we're working.  I like that.

Also they have my name on the marquis at the theatre now.  Huge letters.  I've only been on a marquis once before in my life.  In Wichita, Kansas, of all places.  Went down there to do Moon for the Misbegotten, a talky Eugene O'Neil play, some years back.  When the producer called me in Chicago to ask if I wanted anything in particular while doing the show, I said, quite spontaneously, yes, I'd like my name above the title.  Oh, yes, of course, she said.  When I arrived to start rehearsals I saw, in massive neon letters above the huge theatre, "Clif Morts in Moon for the Misbegotten."  Made me smile.  I'm sure everyone in Wichita would pass that marquis and say, "Oh, look!  Clif Morts is doing Moon for the Misbegotten.  (pause)  Who's Clif Morts?"

I get that a lot.

Today is another day of memorization.  I hate it.  Makes me want to faint.

Another thing I like about Rob and Brad, before I forget, is that they don't spend a lot of time trying to act.  They just go about the business of saying the words and that's that.  Sometimes when I work with younger actors I can see the wheels churning..."Now is my dramatic moment.  I must start acting now."  Drives me crazy.  In a play like Praying Small, the script does all the acting for us.  We just have to say the words.  Such an extraordinarily difficult lesson to learn.  But once learned the work immediately visits an entirely different plateau of quality.  The Olivier quote from one of his books comes to mind, "I am not an actor.  I am a purveyor of plays."

Another beautiful day in sunny Southern California.  Angie is making bacon and egg noises. The puppies are playing ferociously.  The work is coming along.  The air here in the valley is crisp.  I'm healthy and reasonably content.  Things are just fine.

See you tomorrow.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Five, apparently, is better than nine.

Some years back, as I recall, a theatre in Texas tried to do Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf with a bunch of drag queens.  Edward Albee stepped in and pulled the rights to his play.  They tried to do the play as "camp."  Albee would have none of it.  He issued a single statement.  "It's not the play I wrote."  Nuff said.

I feel certain if William Shakespeare were alive today he'd have a few things to say about the liberties taken with his work over the past five centuries.

I have always been a bit amused when I hear of actors dropping out of projects because of "artistic differences."  Not so much today.

I have, I'm sorry to report, seen my play Praying Small mauled over the past few years by theaters.  I wrote the piece as simplicity itself; no set, blank stage, minimal costuming, minimal props, just a lot of sound and music on the technical end of things.  The play can be done with as few as four actors or as many as fourteen.  I even have a PG version for community theaters.

Which reminds me.  I once (in fact, just last year) had a conversation with a director doing one of my plays (not Praying Small) that went like this:

Director:  You have written nine "cunts" in this play.

Clif:  Really?  Nine of them?


Director:  Yes, nine.  We counted them.


Clif:  You counted them?


Director:  Yes, we did.  That's too many.  Our audience won't accept that many cunts.


Clif:  They won't?


Director:  No.  You need to cut four cunts.


Clif:  That would leave me with five cunts.


Director:  That's right.


Clif:  And your audience will be okay with just the five cunts?


Director:  Yes.  I think we can get away with five cunts.  But nine?  I don't think so.


Clif:  I see.

Swear to God.  Verbatim.

Anyway, artistic differences.  It happens.  Sometimes it's a deal-breaker.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes it can be worked through.

There is a story about Brando that I love.  It appears when he did the movie Superman (he kept turning it down but finally he was offered so much money to play Jor-El, Superman's father, he accepted) he had it put in his contract that he could play the role any way he saw fit. In other words, he couldn't be directed.  Hey, he was Brando.  The studio (Paramount) wanted him so badly they agreed to the clause.  On the day he was to do his first scene, the studio sent a car to his house to pick him up and bring him to the lot.  Brando's maid greeted the studio car with a green, samsonite suitcase.  She put it in the backseat and told the driver to take it to the set.  No Brando.  A little later, upon receiving the suitcase, the director called Brando to ask him what in the Sam-Hell was going on.  Brando told him since no one had ever seen an alien from another planet no one knew what one looked like.  Brando thought they might look like green, samsonite suitcases.  He said, "just shoot the suitcase whenever I'm in the scene and I'll do the voice over later."  Eventually it took another million dollars to get Brando himself in the car.

Artistic differences.

Moriarty told me he once worked with a director so bad he had to shut his eyes whenever the director would give him a note.  Apparently, the director felt the need to "act out" what he wanted Michael to do.  Michael said he was so bad an actor, he had to shut his eyes to keep from being influenced by the terrible acting.

Elaine Stritch once told me she was working with a director back in the fifties that told her to "drop the last word of every sentence."  He thought that was what the character would do.  She said, "But the playwright WROTE the last word in every sentence."  The director said he didn't care what the playwright wrote.  She said, "In that case I'm going to drop the last performance I do every week."  The text stayed the same.

I fully understand the explosive forces of collaboration.  I really do.  And more often than not it's a good thing.  Two artists trying to make something the best it can be.  It can sometimes be an anguished process, but it's necessary.  I think this is why Woody Allen writes and directs his own stuff.  He can't bear to turn it over to someone who doesn't "get" it.

As I've mentioned before in this blog, gentle readers, I think most of the directors I've worked with over the years, maybe as many as seventy or eighty, are charlatans.  I can count the good ones on one hand; Jeff Wood, Ernie Zulia, Bill Gregg, Patrick O'Neil, maybe a couple of others.  It's a tough job, directing is.  Personally, I'm only a serviceable director.  I can do it, yeah.  But I feel the same way my buddy, John Bader, feels.  When I asked him recently to direct a piece of mine, he said, "No, sorry.  Yeah, I could do it.  And I'd probably be pretty good at it (he would have been).  But you know, Clif, I just don't ENJOY it."

I don't like authority figures.  In fact, I've spent my entire life disliking authority figures.  Cops, bosses, dads, directors, girlfriends (I'm smiling right now at that sentence, just so you know).  So part of it is me.  My issues, not theirs.  The production of one of my plays is a microcosm of my life.  I want to be in charge of everything - the words, the casting, the rehearsals, the design, the costumes, the lights, the blocking, the marketing, the music, the sound, the props, the opening night party and the reviews.  That's my perfect world.  Now, as any friend of Bill's might guess, that's not how life works.  Be nice if it did.  It is a personal failing of mine that I am loathe to admit.

I remember working with a director in Chicago years ago.  This guy had a shelf full of Jeff Awards (that's the Chicago "Tony").  We're in rehearsal one day for a musical I was doing there called Carousel.  After a rehearsed scene one day he stops and stares off into the distance.  A few moments pass.  Finally he says, "I just had a great idea.  But no, let's stick with what we have."  No one else seemed to think that utterance was as ludicrous as I did.

Another time, doing a play I've spoken about before that I simply despised, A Servant of Two Masters, the director said at the opening read-thru, "Now remember, the script itself is not very funny (an understatement, to be sure), so we'll be doing lots of ad-libbing throughout to spruce it up."  On opening night not a single soul, apart from myself, did any ad-libbing.  It was disastrous.

Ever seen Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet?  Note the opening credits.  "Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare, with additional dialogue by Sam Taylor."  Oh, how Willie the Shakes must have groaned in his grave at that one.  And I'd really like to meet Sam Taylor.

Artistic differences.  Sometimes you just gotta swallow your pride and take the five cunts.

Sigh.

See you tomorrow.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The work is very much to the point.

It was a good day yesterday, professionally speaking.  Swung by the theatre early, around nine, to sit in for a bit on the Bachelor's Graveyard rehearsals.  I couldn't have been more pleased.  The five actors, Rob Arbogast, Chad Coe, J.R. Mangels, Ryan Keiffner and Jonathan Zenz were blocking some of the show with the director, Karesa McElheney.  Karesa had things firmly under control and the guys were in full heathen mode.  I sat in the audience and grinned.

I just love this red-headed, stepchild of a play.  Even at this very early stage I could feel a sense of anarchy on the stage.  I call this play my "dirty play."  It's loosely about five eighteen year olds enjoying their last hurrah before college in an out-of-the-way, abandoned graveyard in small-town USA.  There is lots of frank talk about sex and being young and dreams and hopes and despair.  There is a lot of laughter and, later in the play, some pretty good serious stuff.  I've worked with Chad and J.R. before in From the East to the West and I know how good they are.  Rob is a cracker-jack L.A. actor with a long resume.  He's playing the lead.  Jonathan and Ryan are young actors whose work I've admired from a distance.  Ryan recently set the house on fire with a wonderful performance in PROOF.  And it's hard to imagine a better role for Jon's really subtle work.

So I just really kind of sat there and smiled as they all attacked the stage helter-skelter yesterday.  I've been told they all really like the play and that's evidenced in the way they revel on the stage.  Originally, we had just planned a staged reading of the piece.  See how my "dirty play" would work in front of an audience.  In the play the characters are all swigging gallons of PBR throughout and talking about whatever bizarre thoughts enter their inebriated heads.  Apparently, the boys got together a week or so ago and actually DID swig gallons of PBR and talk about whatever bizarre thoughts entered their heads.  Out of that evening came a resolution to actually do the play full out rather than just a staged reading.

After rehearsal I told them they were about to be involved in the hippest, smartest theatre piece in L.A.   And I think that's true.  Plans are underway to run the show in tandem with Praying Small.  Bachelor's Graveyard would run on the dark nights, I guess.

The Artistic Director of NoHo Arts Center has stepped down for six months or so to deal with a few health issues.  In his place a triumvirate of artistic directors will run the joint.  They've given the green light to the piece.

After the rehearsal, feeling quite jaunty, I sauntered over to Starbucks and met my lifelong buddy, Joe Hulser, for some thick coffee.  Joe and I were at Missouri State together a million years ago.  He's a fine actor and director himself.  Joe's a funny guy.   One of his greatest joys is to get a group of good actors around him and carefully examine a classic piece of theatre line by line.  He's doing that now with the play Death of a Salesman.  He's got a deep, booming voice and a perpetual half-smile, half-scowl on his face all day long.  I was sitting in the sun outside the coffee shop, my back to him, when I heard in that unmistakable Hulser voice, "Willy Loman, Clif!  Willy Loman!  Gotta love him!  Miller took the brakes off for that one!"  This in place of "hi."

We then spent an hour or so talking about our favorite Willy Loman performances over the years; Lee J. Cobb, Dustin Hoffman, Brian Dennehy, George C. Scott.  I can't imagine a more stimulating conversation on a perfect southern California morning.

Finally I wandered back to the theatre for a barn-burner marketing meeting.  The theatre has brought in a world-class marketing guy, C. Raul Espinoza, and he had a group of us together in the second stage to talk marketing strategy.  An illuminating afternoon.  The possibilities, it would seem, are endless.  In the past one of the things that hampered the theatre has always been a complicated ordeal of getting a project green-lighted.  That is to say, getting a good piece of work actually in front of an audience.  Lots of reasons for this, some financial, some political, some bureaucratic.  No one's fault really.  Certainly no malice intended.  Just complicated.

For a number of reasons, very few theatre companies on the west coast use a subscription base.  They depend on single ticket sales.  This is exactly opposite of theatre companies on the east coast, where I've spent the bulk of my professional career.  So out here it's really important to find out exactly what kind of an audience attends our productions.  And then, of course, find out what that audience wants to see.  And finally, what kind of theatre we want to present in order to educate and guide them towards in order to find a happy medium.

The theatre, NoHo Arts Center Ensemble, is dedicated to new work, luckily for me.  It is part of their mission statement.  And part of our meeting yesterday with Raul was identifying and highlighting that again.  I mean, Joe Hulser notwithstanding, how many Willie Loman's can a body see?

This theatre is blessed with a lot of really smart people.  People passionate about the work itself and not so interested in the accolades.  I like that  a lot.  It has always been my personal philosophy.  To quote Lanford Wilson in Tally's Folly, "The work.  The work is very much to the point."

Came back to the house after that to a couple of puppies greeting me as though I'd been on safari.

One of the reasons my days are now filled with humor and purpose is because I have this damned diabetes under control now.  I actually feel as though I've been given a new lease on life.  I have energy and drive.  It completely sucks not to have that.  I think you'll notice, gentle readers, a recent dedication to the maudlin in my blogging.  Blame it on the untreated diabetes.

Angie and I spent the evening doing what most people would consider boring but to us is a fine way of spending time; we cooked a great pasta meal, tormented the puppies and watched The West Wing.  We have them all TiVo'd from Bravo.  We take special delight in watching them all again.  I can't imagine that with any other show, but The West Wing is nothing short of brilliant and there are eight seasons of episodic work in which to indulge.

And then blessed sleep.  Haven't had a lot of that lately because of this annoying "silent killer" with which I've been dealing.  We got both dogs in bed with us, talked and played with them for awhile and then drifted off to sleep.  Mundane?  Yes.  Middle-aged?  Yes.  Perfect?

Yes.

Rehearsing a few of the gargantuan monologues from Praying Small today with my director, Victor Warren.  I want to get these under my belt before rehearsals begin in earnest with the rest of the cast.  It's all broken-fourth-wall work and all difficult stuff.  And today, glory be, I relish the challenge.

The sun is now rising on southern California.  The birds are singing the hallelujah chorus.  Angie and the puppies are still sleeping soundly.  The coffee is thick and hot.  And I am a happy and lucky man.

See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

On Being Young and Getting Old...

I have always been a boxing aficionado.  The heavyweights.  I have hundreds of heavyweight fights on DVD, transferred over from VCR tapes which have been transferred from sixteen millimeter film.  I have old, forgotten fights on DVD from Jack Dempsey, Gene Tunney, Jack Johnson, Max Baer, Max Schmeling Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano, Ezzard Charles, Floyd Patterson, Sonny Liston, Joe Frazier, George Foreman and, of course, Muhammad Ali.  In fact, here's a great trivia question you can ask next time you're sitting in a pub having a beer.  Name the only two heavyweight champions to retire undefeated?  The obvious answer is that there was only one heavyweight champion to retire undefeated - Rocky Marciano.  It's a trick question and will, without fail, win you a beer in a bar.  The other is Cassius Clay.  He was forced to retire and he was undefeated.  When he came back he was Muhammad Ali.  Pretty good, huh?

One of my favorite people in the world and one of my best friends is a Catholic priest in Brooklyn.  He saved my life once many years ago but that's another blog for another time.  Back in the day, whenever a major fight was on TV or cable or PPV, we would meet up, find a seat at a bar a couple of hours before the fight began, start sipping beer and talk endlessly about fighting.  The history of fighting.  His knowledge and expertise in the area is nearly equal to my own and he's seen a lot more fights in person than I have.  There was a place on 33rd Street in NYC back in those days called Mulligans, a little place off Third Ave.  They always showed the big fights.  It was a boxing bar and one I loved.  So we'd get there early, as in the case of the Tyson/Holmes fight in 1988, order up some beer and shots and start debating.  I remember, in fact, on that particular occasion, he'd come straight from some Catholic thing and still had his collar on.  His name is Bob and he is a worthy conversationalist about the sweet science.  So we're sitting there getting a little tipsy before the fight talking about boxing...who was the best, who had the best hook, what would have happened if these two had met, etc.  And he kept going back to Joe Louis.  Bob is a lot older than I am and remembered Louis.  Finally, I remember saying, sort of exasperated, "would you please stop bringing up Joe Louis?  He got old and slow and and frankly, I don't see the big deal around him."  He stared off sort of wistfully for a second and said quietly, "ah, but you don't understand, Clif.  He was so BEAUTIFUL when he was young."  Today, when I talk to younger boxing enthusiasts I sometimes use that same phrase about Ali.  He was so beautiful when he was young.

Last night I was rehearsing for one of the one-acts I'm doing in SANITY, the night of short plays I'm doing with NoHo.  In the play with me is a much older actress who had an entire career in Italy when she was younger.  She actually worked with Fellini and some other icons in Europe.  Anyway, in the play, she plays an aging actress and the set should have old posters of her in past plays.  So she brought in some old photos of herself when SHE was young, perhaps to blow up and use in the play.  She was stunningly beautiful in the photos.  She was proud to show them to us.  But there was something else there, too, something not so much sad as resigned.  Something gentle and wistful.

I think I know how she feels.  We all do, really.

Poets and songwriters and novelists and playwrights have been trying to tell me my whole life to stop and appreciate my youth.  GB Shaw famously said it is wasted on the young.  Of course, none of us heed.  We're too busy being young.  For me, anyway, it was always nearly inconceivable to be old.  But it happened, it happens.

The trick is to do it gracefully.  I don't know that trick.  But I know ABOUT it..  It is a sub theme in my play, Praying Small and a major theme in my play Bachelor's Graveyard.  A time to set aside childish things, I believe is how the bible phrases it.  Move on, Sondheim says.  It was a very good year, Sinatra says.

Who is this bald guy shaving, I ask myself some mornings.  I'm not sure I know this guy.  This is a theme I dwell on a lot these days.  In my work and in my life.  How did we get here, is a question asked often in my play, From the East to the West.  We just did, is the answer.  How do we reconcile the pictures of our youth with the people we've become, sometimes struggling with addiction or cancer or diabetes or relationships or any number of unforseen, metaphorical potholes in our lives?  How do we try and tell that glossy, beautiful photograph taken thirty years ago about the unimaginable loss and fatigue that lie ahead?  How do we connect the dots from twenty five to seventy?  The proof is right before us, in our hands, in the very pictures we hold.  Most of us took it all for granted.

I don't know about you, gentle reader, but I want to do it all again.

"Time it was and what a time it was, it was a photograph.  Preserve our memory.  That's all that's left me."

Now I get it, Father Bob.  Took me a little while.  But now I get it.  Ah, he was so BEAUTIFUL when he was young.

See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

On Writing in a Bar...

So I'm doing these two one-acts for NoHo Arts.  I'm doing this before Praying Small opens.  They run with six other one-acts in an evening entitled "Sanity Squared."  At least I think that's what it's being called.  The name keeps changing so I'm not quite sure.  I suggested they call it "The Lion King" simply for marketing purposes but no one seemed to like that.

One is an amusing little script about dinner theatre and all the little self-important foibles that go along with it.  And the other is about what might have happened if one of George W. Bush's daughters had come out as a lesbian.  Both comedies.  I think.

I'm not a fan of one-acts even though I've written a few myself.  Mostly because they're quite the rage these days with a lot of theatre companies.  The "Ten Minute Play."  I've churned out a few over the past few years to pick up a little cash.  I don't take them very seriously.  I suppose an evening of one-acts has its charms although I don't really know what they might be.  An actor can't really stretch his legs in one.  A director does little more than block.  And a good writer is bound to be frustrated if the subject matter is worth exploring at all.

Nonetheless, I'm doing them.  Solely as an actor.

Having said that, I was involved in an evening once in NYC that featured two one-acts.  The first was entitled "The Relative Importance of Jeri" by a very fine writer named Jim Uhls.  Jim has since gone on to quite a lucrative career out here in LA - he wrote "Fight Club."  This was a long time ago and I don't remember a lot about the play except that it was a tad misogynistic.

It was directed by my buddy Jeff Wood and starred the late Robert Fiedler in probably his last hurrah as an actor.

The other one-act on the bill that night was one I wrote and acted in called "Golden Eggs."  It was essentially a forty-five minute, one-person show.  It was kind of a warm-up act for the other one.  In those days I was a bit enamored with a couple of writers that I no longer care for.  One was Sam Shepard.

Shepard is an enormously gifted playwright who apparently, early on at least, didn't believe in re-writing.  His Cafe Cino (I think that's what it was called) stuff in the sixties and early seventies was really surrealistic and fun.  But I suspect Sam wrote that stuff the same way I wrote "Golden Eggs."  That is to say, sitting in a bar writing long-hand.

In those days, and I don't even know if this place is still there, there used to be a great little dive bar right around the corner from The National Shakespeare Conservatory called The Spring Street Lounge.  Actually, I don't even know if that was the real name of it.  We called it that because it was a lounge on Spring Street.  I hung out there  a lot after rehearsals with Bob Fiedler.  You had to know the bar was there because there were no signs, no lights, nothing.  Just a big, red, metal door.  It was an "insiders" bar.  A lot of actors and writers hung out there. Saw Norman Mailer in there writing one day.  Saw Brett Easton Ellis writing in there one day.  Saw Martin Sheen in there learning lines one day.

So, as I recall, Jeff came to me (he'd already directed a few of my pieces by this time) and asked for a one-act to go up along side "Jeri."  So a few nights later I traveled down to the lounge and sat in the corner and just began writing on this big, yellow, legal pad.

Let  me tell you why The Spring Street Lounge was my favorite place to write.  It was a musty, dusty old bar.  Mismatched tables and chairs.  Sawdust on the floor.  A big, oak, wrap-around bar at the front.  Only two drinks available there - Budweiser and Jack Daniels.  And only two artists on the jukebox - Springsteen and Sinatra.  I was in writer's heaven.

So I sat down and ordered a couple rounds (I didn't like getting up to get more drinks back then so I always ordered two rounds at a time) and began writing.  Four hours later I had a one-act play.  Honestly, that's how I used to write.  I think the next day I showed it to Jeff and he read it and nodded and said, "Okay, that's fine."  That's how we did things back then.  No re-writes to speak of, just write it, get on your feet and rehearse it, add water and voila, a brand-new, one-act play.  What were we thinking?

And here's the kicker: they all turned out to be really good.  I was always a bit embarrassed to admit how I'd written it.  Someone would say to me after a performance, "Why, that was incredible!  How long did you work on that?"  And I'd lie and say, "I've been working on that piece for over a year now, trying to get it exactly like I wanted."  For some reason I somehow thought it dishonorable to admit I'd written the damn thing sitting in a bar over a few hours.

I no longer have the script (actually there never really was one) or the tape of that performance.  There is one floating around out there somewhere because I've seen it.  But I don't know who has it.  Frankly, I wouldn't mind seeing it today.

So here I am learning lines for these two comedic one-acts for NoHo Arts.  They're not bad.  Funny, even.  But it's hard to work up any passion for them.  It's hard to invest.  I think once we go into tech and start getting ready for an audience, I'll get more excited about them.

Just a few meandering thoughts today.  Life is good and no doubt the sun will shine in Southern California.  Angie just got up and is feeding the puppies.  The TV is droning in the background.  I have a great outlook following my visit to the doctor yesterday.  I even got a little sleep last night.

Things could be worse.  Things could always be worse.  But they aren't.

See you tomorrow.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Silent Killer and Sanibel Island...

I am sitting here waiting to see a doctor.  Hoping to get some new medication to control my diabetes symptoms.  I'm told they call it the "silent killer."  In my case it should be called the "silent annoyer."  The symptoms?  A whole litany of things I've never dealt with before: high blood pressure, weight loss (20 lbs in a month), excessive thirst (I've been chugging about three or four gallons of water a day), excessive urination (see "chugging"), crippling headaches (they incapacitate me at times), weird out of the blue dizziness, right leg numb, and a bunch of other stuff.  So what we tried to correct with diet and exercise will now have to be dealt with through medication.

Okay.  That's the last time you will EVER hear me talk about my health.

I hate it.  I hate when people whine about their health. My grandmother was a hypochondriac and for the last thirty years of her life she was dying.  About to drop over any second.  Every time, as a child, I visited her I listened to endless theories on how she just very well might die that day.  A cough was pneumonia. A sprain was a compound fracture.  A sore muscle was polio.  It was ridiculous.

I'll tell you what.  If they tell me I've got about forty five minutes to live, THEN I'll talk about it one more time.  But it'll have to be quick.

But since I'm on the subject.

In 1993 I traveled down to Sanibel Island off the gulf coast of Florida to do a whole season of plays; Lend Me a Tenor, The Rainmaker, Two by Two, Wait Until Dark, The Foreigner and Run For Your Wife.  There was a little SPT (Small Professional Theatre) down there called Pirate Playhouse.  Embarrassing name for an Equity theatre.  Nonetheless, I did a lot of work there, always in the bitterly cold months of December, January and February.  Anything to get out of NYC during those months.  And Sanibel Island is just beautiful.  I always described it as Gilligan's Island with electricity.  Adding up all the time I spent doing theatre there, I probably spent a year of my life on that island.  And it's a paradise, it really is.  Beaches beyond anything I'd ever seen.  Beautiful houses.  Literally an island paradise.  Angie and I hope to retire there someday.

The theatre itself, which is still there but now they do non-Equity musical reviews and the like, mostly using local actors, is a great 200 seater with state of the art facilities.  Back in those days it was run by Bob Cacioppo who is now the AD at Florida Rep in Fort Myers.  As near as I can tell he was fired for doing good theatre.  The board, apparently, didn't like the fact that actual plays were being done there, Williams, Shakespeare, Miller, Odets, Inge, Simon and the like.  They wanted snappy musicals with lots of glitter and jazz hands.  The kind of stuff that makes me want to throw canned hams at the stage.  Anyway, that's another blog.

So I'm doing Run For Your Wife during that season.  I'd been feeling a tad under the weather for a few days but I thought it was because of all the tippling I and the cast had been doing.  I tended to tipple a lot back then.  So I'm doing the play and getting weaker and weaker as the night wears on.  Finally, midway through the second act I knew I was gonna go down.  Something just told me I was going to.  In the middle of a scene in front of a packed house I simply walked off stage and passed out.  Later I found out the stage manager had then walked on stage and canceled the performance and asked if there was a doctor in the house.  Well, it's Sanibel.  I think EVERYONE in that house was a doctor.

I awoke in the emergency room.  Getting blood transfusions.  It was a duadenal ulcer.  About half the blood in my system was now in my stomach.  Duadenal ulcers are tricky because there are no nerve endings in the duadenal tract, apparently, so there is on pain involved.  You just drop.  And I dropped.

So they went in and cauterized the ulcer.  I was out of the play for a week or two.  Which kind of sucked because I really enjoyed doing that stupid little play.

The old cliche' "if you don't have your health, you don't have anything" is annoyingly true.  It never occurred to me I might someday have health issues such as diabetes or ulcers or heart problems.  Never.  Because I was blessed with an incredible constitution.  The things I've done to myself would kill a half dozen normal people.  And so I'm surprised, startled even, to have to deal with these things now.

Our bodies begin to betray us.  We turn into our parents and their parents and finally understand the meaning of the foreign words they used when we were young.  We have to spend time looking up medical terms, terms we've heard about and seen on bad TV movies but never really taken the time to really understand.  We have to pace ourselves.  And, like our parents and their parents, we have to sashay through life doing normal, everyday, working things, all the while knowing that lurking just beyond our passive countenance is a disease doing unwanted things to our body.  We want to tell people about it.  The guy at the checkout line, "Um, listen, could you please not be so curt with me right now?  I was just diagnosed with diabetes, that's the "silent killer" in case you didn't know, and I'm really in need of just a tiny bit of compassion right now."  In my case, an audience, "Um, listen, I just want to stop the show here for just a second if you don't mind.  Normally, I do that scene with a great deal of emotion.  Other audiences have wept uncontrollably at this moment.  But I can't raise my voice because it will bring on a blood pressure surge and a crippling headache.  So I'm changing my performance so that it's not the best I can do...just to accommodate my disease.  I hope you don't mind.  By the way, it's called The Silent Killer.  Now back to the show."

So what's to be done?  Nothing.  Acceptance.  Grace.  Trust.  Get older.  No use fighting that.  Become less.  It's a losing game.

On the plus side our new puppy, Francis, is making me really dig life in general.

See you tomorrow